Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
