So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
