hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
