I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
