Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
