She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
