My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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