How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
