I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
