I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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