SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
