So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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