My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
