I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
