I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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