You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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