just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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