connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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