dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
