I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We need a shit load of segways right now
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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