don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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