oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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