i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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