Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
