thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
