I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
