that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
