OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
