so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
