My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
