Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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