Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
