I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
