All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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