I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
