If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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