I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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