He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
