Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
