grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
