And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
