I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
