it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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