if you like me you must not know who I am
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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