also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
