JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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