You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
