I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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