Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
