I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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