I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
