I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
